The Dance of Death

(featuring the late Noppera-bo XII,
Neophyte of Purgatory-1 Toxophilite Order)

“Hello, Neophyte, are you prepared to engage in battle?”

“These are fascinating and strong stones, with which this wall has been skillfully constructed.”

“Well, that may be true… but I am carrying unlimited Arrows of Vanilla as well as a dozen Cataclysms of Doom and a quiver aglow with the Green Horror of Pestilence.”

“The corner is dark. I am pleased with this Cellarium where I can engage in calm self-isolation before vespers, free from inspection by my monastic superiors.”

“It would be wise of you to rise to this occasion. Your life is in danger.”

“Wait, what?” <teleports in alarm>

“Hello again. Do you now believe me?”

“You are my antagonist? Behold, I draw my bow!”

“I anticipated that.”

“Oh Lord.” <teleports again, then again>

<following> “I can do this all day.”

“Have at you! Oh. I see you carry a shield.”

“Yes, I do. As well as a bow. <thwap>”

“Owwww! Why did you DO that? And what, prithee, is this crimson wing that o’ershadows me of a sudden, like unto a Spectre of Doom?”

“You are nearing your final moments upon this mortal coil, and I grow weary of our dance.”

<intoning in prayer> “Through the triumph of my death, may I herewith benefit all those of faith, living or dead. May all my destructive emotions be removed as I surrender to Eternity. HA-HAAAA! In the midst of my devotions, I hereby launch an unexpected arrow high above you, piercing your spirit with the sacred power of my archery skills…”

“Sorry, fella, you missed. I need to get over to the pit. You’re done. Cheers!”

This is part of the In Death: Unchained literature collection by Steven K. Roberts.